Someone With a Pen: Richard Grayson’s Diary

Monday, September 20, 1999

8 PM. It’s Monday, so we’re under a tropical storm watch. This new guy, Harvey, came out of nowhere in the Gulf moving towards Tampa/St. Pete and is bringing us heavy rain today, tomorrow and for who knows how long, after a rainy weekend in which I did not see the sun. Gloomy.

Grading my students’ case analyses is making me cranky. I started this morning and did only ten of the fifteen papers from the evening class, which I must give back Wednesday night. I’ll have to get the fifteen day class papers in by Friday, but God, they are dismal. I had some high hopes, too.

But only Suellen’s paper was worthy of an A, and I gave the others A-, B+, B and one C so far. I’m letting them revise the papers for a better grade. While that makes more work for myself, I think the students might learn something from rethinking their responses.

I guess I’m at least as “nit-picky” as Les was, and I’m sure the students will not think of me as mellow once they get their papers back. But I feel compelled to correct grammatical, mechanical and structural errors and to comment on muddle-headed thinking, banalities, and complete missing of the main points in cases.

This reminds me of the first time I taught the Introduction to Literature class at LIU when I thought my students were really following what we were discussing in class – until I read their first papers.

Perhaps I didn’t explain the assignment clearly enough or maybe my standards are too high. While I still think I grade generously, Nova students seem to look at B+’s as if they are D’s.

Sure, I could tell them that a B+ at UF law school would have put you in the top tenth of the class, but what good does “When I was your age”-type talk accomplish except giving the speaker a momentary sense of self-righteous virtue?

I had lunch with Patrick at Miami Subs today – or rather, he had lunch and I had Diet Coke. I wanted to get the scoop on the Dillard High School gig a week from Saturday.

It’s a daylong gathering of meetings and workshops for high school students from several counties who work on their school newspapers and literary magazines.

“The kids are bright and like to write,” Patrick said, “and the workshops need to be hands-on.”

I’ve been assigned me to lead a mid-morning fiction workshop that should have about thirty students. Patrick said they love handouts, so I’ll make sure to have some for them.

Patrick, Barbara, Scott, Elisa and a couple of other Broward Community College teachers will also be leading workshops.

After his briefing on the Dillard High School event, Patrick let me gripe about NSU departmental politics for a while.

Then, of course, I was obligated to listen to his gripes about the people in his department at BCC-South (like Vicki, Barbara and Elisa) who teach very small classes and keep hours “from 11 AM to 2 PM” while others, like Patrick and Scott, do most of the work and are there all day.

At least Ernestine Robinson, the department head, understands what’s going on and wants to equalize the workloads among faculty.

We also talked about Somerset Maugham and Jack Kerouac and other writers; news of Buffalo, New York City and Philadelphia; and state and national politics. It was a pleasure to see a friend and have a good conversation.

I had no email at all today, though I checked Yahoo in the morning and at 5 PM. Perhaps the server has a glitch or maybe it’s my unlucky day.

I got another of those letters from Capital One saying their fraud department has been trying to reach me (online) and that they were freezing yet another account. After I’d sent them everything they wanted, they still kept the three other accounts frozen.

This pissed me off so much that I cut up all the Capital One cards and sent them back to the company. I paid off two of the cards and I’ll pay the $1,600 I owe on the remaining two cards soon. I should get about $700 in security deposit money back.

I’ve been relying on my credit card chassis, but I’m fed up with Capital One, which keeps sending me cards and then freezing them once I pay the annual membership fee.

This morning I got a haircut at Hairlogix, a store that just opened in the dead Kmart shopping plaza. The woman who did my hair – a Latina from Corona, whose mother-in-law still lives in those co-ops on the Lower East Side near the Williamsburg Bridge – did a nice job of getting me back to my old haircut.

Getting a buzz cut last time was a mistake, but hey, I tried something new.

I really need to grade more papers, but I can’t bring myself to do it tonight. Now I wish I’d spread the grading out over the weekend.

Mom called and said that Marc got word that AirTouch wants to hire him to sell cell phones in East Mesa, on Power Road and Baseline, much closer to the house. He’s going to start on Wednesday, Mom said.

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Friday, September 24, 1999

9 PM. I’ve just come in, and I feel tired and a bit like I’m coming down with a cold. Probably it’s just prolonged sleep deprivation, but I just took some vitamins along with my snack of beets, a sweet potato, pineapple bits and grape juice, and I’m sucking on a zinc lozenge now.

Hopefully, I’ll sleep (relatively) late tomorrow.

As tired as I was last evening, it took me a long time to fall asleep, as my mind was still active, thinking about Nova, my new book, and the possibilities for me come May when my job ends.

I’ve got all those midterms to grade, and I don’t expect to get them done this weekend, but I need to make a start.

I also have to read the text chapters on the Free Exercise and Establishment Clauses. These are subjects I’m relatively familiar with – but as Joe Cook used to say, college teachers need to “wallow in the material” so they can be comfortable discussing every aspect of it in great detail even when they don’t plan to.

The term has three weeks to go, and I need to make up their short paper assignment so I can get that to the students in the seventh week.

I think I’ll give an in-class final in the day class because they have 100 minutes on that Friday and a take-home final for the evening students because I need the extra class time.

I haven’t read the Constitutional History I textbook or any of the five books I’ll be using in Core Studies, so I won’t be as prepared next term, but I think I can manage because I’ll have an even easier schedule.

At Nova, there was more back-and-forth over email about the permanent position in Legal Studies, and Steven has begun to view me as a confidante. He was afraid he’d made everyone mad at him, and then later, after I’d spoken to him, he seemed relieved that Ben wasn’t angry.

On the other hand, Charles was really annoyed, and Steven took a childlike delight in needling him, making sure that Charles won’t be on the search committee in the winter semester when he’s on sabbatical. Steven brought it up and Ben said yes, there is a rule that faculty on sabbatical can’t serve on committees.

I think it’s all pretty silly, though I agree with the concerns of Steven and the students – but hopefully they can find a Ph.D./J.D. combo person who’ll be willing to come to Nova for a $42,000 salary.

In class this morning, I went over various public forum cases. On Monday I’ll conclude the unit on free speech and go on to the cases involving religion.

Jaime was so sweet and funny in his final emails before his European vacation. Although nothing remotely romantic is possible with Jaime, I like our current relationship, and yeah, I get a little of what Sean called “the warm fuzzies” when I think of him.

Jim in Atlanta said he read my “Silicon Valley Diet” story twice and loved how I portrayed Duc. I just have the feeling that the story, and maybe others in the book, will strike a chord with some gay men.

Although my characters’ relationships are sweet, the narrative is rather light on sexual details.

But perhaps by luck I’ve managed to time this right and my sensibilities will be shared by at least a few – probably younger – readers at this time, the end of one millennium and the start of another.

This evening, back at the office, I finished creating a disk with the proofread Silicon Valley Diet manuscript, the front material, blurbs and a paragraph of the jacket copy I wrote along with a memo to Kate on ideas for a front cover.

Yesterday I kept searching Alta Vista for photos that I could show as a sample – a shirtless young guy sitting at a computer – but I had no luck.

What I told Kate is that the three threads of the book are (1) gay relationships, whether sexual or platonic; (2) computers and technology; and  (3) food and diet – with the last two themes represented in the title.

I don’t know if she and Mark will buy the cute guy. I suggested he be in his twenties, “sweet-looking” and somewhat darker-skinned than most Caucasians to make him racially androgynous.

They could use either a photo or art. Maybe he would have a bowl of cereal and coffee container should be at his side while he’s looking at the computer screen and maybe keyboarding.

If they don’t want a person represented in the cover artwork, I suggested a simple computer surrounded by the clutter of someone’s desk, as well as some food.

I went over to BCC-South to pick up Patrick’s Zip disk with my photo, a 4-meg file, on it. So now I have basically everything I need to send out to Red Hen Press.

I did plenty of other stuff today. And this evening, after finishing up at the office, I deposited a refund check from Bloomingdales, mailed some bill payments, had iced tea at Barnes & Noble, and shopped at Albertsons.

Although I read only half of today’s newspaper, I’m ready for bed now.

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Monday, September 27, 1999

8 PM. I’ve just been reading sports injury books I’ve taken out from the library in an attempt to understand my problems. Yesterday and today I’ve developed pain in the tendon – which could actually be nerve pain that’s occurred because of my injury.

I wore my Camwalker all day, but I don’t think it is doing any good because this isn’t the same acute problem that I felt before. It’s more of a dull ache, almost an itch, and I get it slightly on the other foot.

I don’t think I really have confidence in the podiatrists I’ve been seeing, and if I don’t feel better in a couple of days I’m going to call the one Eileen recommended.

One book suggested I try commercial arch supports. I’d bought heel lifts, the gel kind, but that really only helps the other problem, the plantar fasciitis.

Before I spend hundreds of dollars on orthotics, this one book said I should try a commercial arch support for $15-$40.

I pronate my foot excessively, and my calf muscles are tight. When I stand up, I’m about like a beginner on ice skates because my inner ankles and knees collapse toward each other.

It’s very frustrating. I’ve been icing the foot and taking aspirin, but I have no idea if this is helping at all.

Well, I guess it could be worse. I do understand that this is just annoying, not life-threatening, and that I shouldn’t complain so much.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll try to stay in bed as much as I can.

What worries me is the chronicity of the condition. I fear that the longer I have it, the more damage that will be done that can’t be reversed.

It was raining very hard this morning, but I managed to go out during a break between downpours. There were only four or five students in my class when we began; another three or four drifted in later. I did finish the free speech cases.

Last night I read about 80 pages in the text, and now I’ve got to read the remaining 130 pages on the Establishment Clause.

Of course, even if I did half the job I’m doing, it wouldn’t make any difference to most students.

After grading five of the day students’ midterms this afternoon, I see that the level of sophistication I’ve been dealing with in my class discussions – which is not very sophisticated at all, at least compared to law school standards – is way beyond what all but a few of my students can deal with.

Patrick emailed that he got so angry with his Short Story class this morning after reading the lousy papers they wrote on Friday that he wondered if he’s wasted the last 24 years.

I know the feeling. But when I get Suellen’s paper, or the one from Ann Marie in the morning class I know I’m doing it for them.

Besides, I can relax when I recall that I won’t be doing this after April and that I’m doing this for myself, taking pleasure in studying the First Amendment the way I did when I was a law student.

Two bombs have gone off at FAMU in recent weeks, and racists have claimed credit. Actually, that only makes me more interested in attending Florida A&M although I know I’ll probably feel a little funny as a student at a historically black college.

Still, it’s not like I haven’t been around African Americans as a student and teacher. In 1973 I was one of only three students taking Afro-American Studies at Brooklyn College, and starting two years later, I taught mostly black or Hispanic people at LIU and CUNY.

How many times have I been the only white person on a bus or subway car back in Brooklyn?

FAMU sent me a card last week saying they still needed my Brooklyn College transcript and GRE scores, but I know those were sent, so I’ll check to see if they’ve come in by now.

When I went to Barnes & Noble today, there was a line of ten people, and by the time it was my turn to order, they didn’t have iced tea, straws or change for my $20 bill. I ended up ordering hot tea and a cup of ice.

Earlier I saw a 25-person line at the post office so I didn’t mail the books to Jim in Atlanta. (I did mail the Ragdale application package because it was under 16 ounces and I could just drop that in the box without having to see a postal clerk.)

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Thursday, September 30, 1999

8 PM. I just exercised again two hours after my first half-hour workout today, so I don’t have to force myself to stand in front of the TV at 6 AM tomorrow. Last evening I wore my Camwalker because my foot hurt a little.

It’s weird how many of my students have this virus, a combination respiratory infection/stomach virus that sounds like the “nauseous cold” I had in Phoenix a year ago last June.

I’m always surrounded by students’ germs, so I’ll probably catch it before too long. Last fall I had two colds, and I can’t imagine getting through the rest of this year without becoming ill.

Last night I had another good class as we went over all the Free Exercise and Establishment Clause cases. I played excerpts from the tapes of oral arguments in Employment Division v. Smith and Abington Township v. Schempp.

I also returned the midterms and went over the new handouts. After class, I stayed late to critique a student’s draft of a statement of purpose for his law school applications.

Back at home, I managed to wind down and fall asleep within a couple of hours. My feet felt a little better today, but they almost always hurt now.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Giuliani’s threatening to close the Brooklyn Museum because of its exhibit of “shocking” art from Britain. All of the work I’ve read about sounds pretty standard to me, though I’m someone who reads reviews of contemporary art and is totally familiar with Damien Hirst.

The other night I dreamed that Mark Savage and I were in the Brooklyn Museum and falling on us was the elephant dung that so offended the Mayor when it appeared on Chris Ofili’s portrait of the Virgin Mary.

The publicity garnered by the “Sensation” art exhibition makes me wonder if I could get some Florida Religious Right homophobe – there are certainly plenty of them – to make a big stink about my book of gay-themed stories being funded by state taxpayers via my fellowship money.

If I can’t get anyone from the groups like American Family Association or Coral Ridge Ministries to bite, perhaps I can stir up trouble by making up a Religious Right “family values” organization. Well, there’s plenty of time to think about that.

I graded the papers in bunches of three at a time during the course of the day, both at home and when I was in school from 9:30 AM till 12:30 PM and from 2 PM to 4:15 PM.

Patrick told me that Fred informed him I was advising the Stonewall Library on their “minor” problems – the donated material with sexual depictions of kids – and he expressed his fear that Fred might get in trouble at BCC because of this.

“I don’t want him to put his career in jeopardy, Patrick said.

I told him I don’t think it will ever get that far if the Stonewall Library does what I told them: get rid of any material fitting the legal definition of child pornography and restrict minors’ access to some questionable material in the library and archives.

Sat Darshan said that Tandeep got his Canadian visa, which means that in two years he can apply for Canadian citizenship. She told him he won’t have any problems because all Western countries need computer engineers and scientists.

Teresa wrote from Camille’s house in Fire Island, where she’d just been IM’ing Heidi, who loves Binghamton and really “gets it,” by which I assume Teresa means how great the college experience can be.

I sent Teresa a Times article mentioning Frank, who as the PR guy for the city’s museums and cultural institutions, advised them that Mayor Giuliani perceives anyone who disagrees with him as an enemy.

It always amazes me how Frank has gone from the Manhattan borough president’s press secretary to seemingly having his hand in everything in New York.

Teresa reports that despite their longstanding relationship, Frank doesn’t return her calls. That does not surprise me in the least given their past history.

Igor emailed hello, and I had a few other messages.

But there were no more replies to my Planet Out personals ad. I’ll probably take it off soon, as having my photo – pic, as we say in Netspeak – and personal information out there makes me antsy. Of course, any Nova student who’d see my ad is going to be a gay guy.

I actually get lonely or bored only on those rare occasions when I have nothing pressing to do – like tonight, when I’ve done all the work I need to and feel a sense of relief.

With September over, 1999 is three-quarters gone. This afternoon the packets for students’ evaluations were in my department mailbox. Two weeks from tomorrow the eight-week term ends.

I did make a start on the Constitutional History I evening class’s syllabus today, but that course doesn’t start until October 25 while the day Constitutional History II class begins on Thursday, October 19.

I keep thinking that in seven months I’ll be finished teaching at Nova. I have to figure out where I’ll be going and what I’ll be doing in May 2000.